The VGAs are just minutes away. I have a stable Internet connection, a tube of Pringles, and a 20 oz. bottle of Faygo root beer.
Oh, and I can’t be the only person that finds listening to Geoff Keighley’s voice slightly less enjoyable than licking a running powersander, can I?
7:00 PM CST Sounds like we’re opening up with Mark Hamill’s Joker, could be worse, I suppose
7:01 PM CST And we lead off with a Batman trailer, not too shocking. Can’t tell anything about the game from that, though.
7:04 PM CST I should probably check out more media than just video games. I don’t know who half of these people are.
7:05 PM CST Not wasting any time this year getting to the awards. I’d like to see more professional voice actors getting nominations instead of movie / TV actors.
7:06 PM CST Jack Black? Seriously? What’s wrong with the Spike TV audience?
7:08 PM CST A True Crime trailer. Looks OK, but not my kind of game.
7:10 PM CST Our first mercy commercial break.
7:15 PM CST Local commercials that cut off the content of the shows? Yeah, we’ve got’em.
7:16 PM CST Why are we watching this lousy Tron footage on the terrible Jumbotron instead of the TV?
7:17 PM CST I never was that big a fan of Tron, so I don’t get the fangasm about the universe.
7:17 PM CST Tony Hawk looks like he just woke up. And making stupid jokes doesn’t help. He’s here to present the award for best action/adventure game. Because when I think Action/Adventure, I immediately think of Tony Hawk.
7:18 PM CST Assassin’s Creed 2 takes it, not bad.
7:21 PM CST I still can’t believe that someone gave the greenlight to make a Deadliest Warrior video game.
7:22 PM CST That was a short commercial break. And now we have Kimbo Slice out to look drunk, stumble on his words, and talk about the UFC game.
7:25 PM CST Zach Braff? Seriously?
7:26 PM CST Studio of the Year at 26 minutes in? Are we clearing the way for the rock band interlude.
7:27 PM CST Rocksteady gets the nod. Good for them, I guess.
7:29 PM CST Haven’t seen Samuel L. Jackson since the ’07 awards, I wasn’t upset about that.
7:31 PM CST Does this Star Wars Game have a name?
7:32 PM CST Force Unleashed II, sounds obvious
7:37 PM CST Jake Gyll… um… That actor guy with a name I can’t spell with a first look at the Prince of Persia movie. I probably won’t be seeing that movie willingly.
7:39 PM CST And the cast of a show that I will never watch to present the award for a game genre I don’t typically play, Team Sports.
7:40 PM CST NHL 10? Really? How on Earth did that beat out Madden? And NBA for that matter?
7:42 PM CST More Prince of Persia stuff. I should probably play the new PoP series at some point.
7:49 PM CST That was a long commercial break. Guess Hugh Jackman won best performance by a human male, and for best cast. Good thing he couldn’t be bothered to actually show up, that will speed things along.
7:50 PM CST Best Independent game ‘fueled by Dew’. Why does ‘independent game’ mean something that doesn’t fit into a genre.
7:51 PM CST Flower? Tonight was the first I’ve heard of it, and it won.
7:54 PM CST Snoop Dogg? Well, looks like it’s time for the first bathroom break of the night.
8:02 PM CST I can’t tell if that Split Second commercial was supposed to be part of the show or not.
8:03 PM CST Spec Ops… Don’t really get too into these military-type games either, but this one looks decent.
8:04 PM CST Stephen A Smith, some sports guy. I dunno. I worked in a sporting goods store for over 11 years, I didn’t have time to learn about the stuff I was selling.
8:06 PM CST An awards show on Spike TV, which shows a ton of UFC matches, and the UFC game won? No, I’m not surprised.
8:09 PM CST Crackdown 2? Enough people played the first Crackdown game to warrant a sequel?
8:13 PM CST The second hour seems to be loaded with a few more commercials than the first. But anything that delays the appearance of Mike Tyson is something that I can live with. I’m no good against those one-hit-ko uppercuts he throws in the first round.
8:15 PM CST Snoop Dogg? I thought he went home. But at least he’s presenting best RPG, because nothing says ‘RPG’ like he does.
8:16 PM CST I didn’t think that the lone DS Game would win anything tonight. The VGAs aren’t very Nintendo friendly. Dragon Age takes Best RPG and Best PC game. It’s a great game, but this guy looks a little flustered onstage.
8:18 PM CST Green Day Rock Band? Why not? I don’t know how much longer this series is going to go on, but I’m really excited to see stuff like John Denver Rock Band.
Time for other awards that they just can’t seem to find time to give out in a show whose only purpose is to give out awards. If I had to guess, I’d say that these were the games that won where they couldn’t get someone to appear on the show to accept them:
Best performance by a human female: Megan Fox
Best downloadable game: Shadow Complex
Best Wii Game: New Super Mario Bros. Wii
Best DLC GTA 4: The Ballad of Gay Tony
Most Anticipated Game of 2010: God of War 3
8:24 PM CST Joel McHale, eh? I stopped watching The Soup a long time ago.
8:26 PM CST Screw you, Gamestop
8:27 PM CST Mike Tyson is starting to look a lot Torgo these days. What Mike Tyson and the cast from Jersey Shore have to do with ‘Best Shooter’ is beyond me.
8:28 PM CST Modern Warfare 2 won, and won Best Multiplayer game. It was one of the fastest selling games of all time, so this isn’t really shocking.
More awards where either nobody showed up to accept the awards or they just didn’t think were important enough to bother with the ‘ceremony’.
Best Fighting Game: Street Fighter IV
Best Handheld Game: GTA Chinatown Wars
Best Driving Game: Forza Motorsport 3
Best Soundtrack: DJ Hero
Best Xbox 360 Game: Left 4 Dead 2
Best Original Score: Halo 3 ODST
Best Game Based on a Movie or TV Show: South Park Let’s Go Tower Defense Play
8:35 PM CST Wait, South Park Tower Defense beat out Ghostbusters? Seriously, SpikeTV viewing audience, and video game players, what’s wrong with you?
8:37 PM CST Stevie Wonder presenting Best Music Game? Well, that’s nice.
8:39 PM CST Beatles Rock Band, eh? That’s kind of a surprise.
8:40 PM CST Another band interlude. My bladder isn’t full yet, but I’m going to go empty it anyway.
8:48 PM CST I don’t get into Halo. It’s just not that good. I don’t care what you say.
8:52 PM CST Game of the Year? How could these game have kept me occupied ‘all year’ when a couple of them are only a couple of months old?
8:54 PM CST Uncharted 2? Ah, it won Best PS3 game and Best Graphics. No wonder we didn’t see those categories with 6 minutes left in the show.
8:56 PM CST And we’re going to end the show with another song by a lousy band.
I will say that this year’s show came off as a little bit more professional than it has in years past. It looks more like an actual awards show and less like a bunch of idiots making fart jokes and mugging for the camera.
Now the industry just needs to work on getting people who are more groomed to be on television and talking… Except for Geoff Keighley.