Archive for the ‘Artifacts’ Category

Compute!’s Guide to Nintendo Games

Thursday, January 24th, 2013

Before I had ready, (practically) always-on connectivity to the sum of human knowledge, I spent a lot of time playing video games. And when I wasn’t playing video games, I was reading books about how to play video games. This is mostly due to the fact that we didn’t have a whole lot of money growing up and video games were (and in most cases still are) pretty expensive, while books are generally pretty cheap.

One of the books I spent a lot of time with was Compute!’s Guide to Nintendo Games. I mean, take a look at this thing:

Compute!'s Guide Front

Compute!'s Guide Back

How could anyone resist those bullet points?

  • Keys to Nintendo Mastery? I love mastering things!
  • Screen Shots for 45 games? They’re black and white, sure, but they’re better than nothing. I don’t have to imagine what the graphics are like
  • Special Super Secrets Chapter!? I’m so there

What I really like about this book is the conversational tone that it takes with the game reviews. They’re broken down into graphics, sound, and the bog-standard categories, but when I’m reading this, I get the feeling that it’s just Mr. Schwartz talking to me about some new game he’s played, and not some cut-and-dried analytical review. It’s a style I tried to work in to the mini-reviews posted over at Closeoutwarrior.com.

Also worked into the book is a section dedicated to controllers (most of which I’ve never even seen in person), a tongue-in-cheek review of the Nintendo Cereal System, Super Secrets, and a Parent’s Guide to Nintendo Games (which we’ll get to in a minute).

Each of the game reviews has a few hints, tips, and strategies, but the Super Secrets section has tips, tricks, and strategies that are so useful, so amazing, and so informative, that they’re almost like cheating. And to disguise these tips so that you couldn’t just idly flip back to them in a moment of weakness. The Super Secrets were printed in reverse, so that you were supposed to find a mirror to hold the book up to to be able to read them. I, of course, made myself learn how to read reversed text instead. I think I made the right call, that’s a life skill that’s proven invaluable.

But the one of the sections that kind of didn’t hold a lot of meaning for me until many years later is the Parent’s Guide to Nintendo. I’m not a parent, but there are a lot of issues Mr. Schwartz brings up that seem relevant today when he’s talking about how video games can have an impact on kids, and he advocates that parents take an active role in monitoring what their children play. Check out this section of the Parent’s Guide called ‘A Call for Better Games’

There’s little reason we can’t expect more imaginative plot lines; ones that don’t stress violence or a kill-or-be-killed attitude. It’s easy to create another violent game: kill a lot of things, reward the player with power and hit points as he does, and work up to the final confrontation with the evil lord of the monsters. It’s difficult, on the other hand, to come up with an imaginative, nonviolent adventure that rewards problem-solving skills and is still fun to play.

The portrayal of women in games could also stand some work. Other than the heroine Athena and the Princess in Super Mario Bros. 2, women are usually depicted as kidnap victims. The only nonvictims that come to mind are the whip-wielding Lindas (Double Dragon) and Pretty Amy (Lee Trevino’s Fighting Golf). It’s nice to see some females in NES games, but I don’t think it’s necessary to make them gang members or add Pretty as part of their names.

I’d also like to see a greater potential for early education and more games written specifically for young children. The Nintendo is a good tool for developing eye/hand coordination and problem-solving skills. To be really useful for young children, however, games have to be created that require only elementary reading abilities, and simpler rules and controls. The Sesame Street games from Hi Tech Expressions are a good start toward this goal. More cartridges of this type will undoubtedly appear as additional manufacturers move to fill this market gap.

Keep in mind that the above was written in 1989. We’ve certainly come a long way since then, but we still have a long way to go. Games with female protagonists are still very rare and sell poorly, and (as of this writing) GameStop has 22 educational games available for the Wii (arguably the most kid-friendly platform) as opposed to over 100 shooters. If that’s all the progress that we’ve made in 24 years, maybe we do still have some work to do.

Pac-Man Bag

Tuesday, January 22nd, 2013

I’m not going to take too much time introducing you to Pac-Man. Unless you were born yesterday (in which case, welcome!) you already know enough to appreciate the little yellow guy with the bottomless appetite.

But say you’re a kid in the early 1980’s or so, and you have Pac-Man Fever (or maybe Pac-Man Elbow). So, obviously, you need something that will tell the world about your Pac-obsession while also doubling as a handy tote-bag.

Pac-Man Bag with The Python Book

Pac-Man Bag with The Python Book

Or maybe you just want to carry around a big ol’book about Python. Either way, the Pac-Bag is probably what you would want. It’s a pretty standard canvas tote bag, big enough to hold one Python book (or maybe a few smaller books, if you have any), it has a snap on top so you don’t lose the contents when you’re doing windmills while walking down the street, and it has a convenient spot to write your name. Or someone else’s name if you want.

pac-bag2

But, that does make it a little harder to locate it at the lost and found (and to prove that it’s actually yours), should you need to do that.

uDraw Pictionary

Tuesday, January 15th, 2013

Odds are that you know all about Pictionary, the game where you draw something, and someone else has to guess what it is. Even if you’ve never played Pictionary proper, I’m sure you’ve played (or at least heard about) something similar.

But you may not be familiar with the uDraw tablet, since practically nobody bought one… except me.

The uDraw is a tablet and a stylus, similar to something that you might get for manipulating graphics on a computer, except smaller, and cheaper (much cheaper).

The tablet itself is really good for one thing: drawing and scribbling. Hm, I guess that’s technically two things.

Regardless, here’s some footage of me and some family members playing the Ultimate edition of Pictionary.

I recommend looking away when the clues are revealed so that you can play along, but it’s certainly not mandatory.

Game Boy Wallet

Thursday, January 10th, 2013

WRITER

You’ve heard of the Nintendo Game Boy, right? Hand-held gaming device, spinach-green screen? Came in lots of variations and revisions including the Color Game Boy (came with colored shells), Game Boy Pocket, Game Boy Color (came with a color screen), Game Boy SP, and on and on? Looked kind of like this:

Game Boy... kind of

Hm, most Game Boys didn’t come in tins, so this may not be the real deal. Let’s open this up and see what we have.

It's a Game Boy, it's a bi-fold wallet. It's madness.

It’s a Game Boy, it’s a bi-fold wallet. It’s madness.

That looks practically the same. Well, sort of. What you’re looking at here is a representation of the Game Boy in the finest leather (well, maybe not the absolute finest, but pretty close). With pockets for cash, credit cards, and ID cards, but you’ll probably fill it up with receipts and phone numbers without any names attached to them.

So, it’s almost as fun as a real Game Boy, and it uses fewer batteries. That’s pretty awesome, right?

Nintendo Mini Lunchbox

Tuesday, January 8th, 2013

Super Mario Kart seems to be one of those games that most people have heard of, even if they don’t play many video games. For the two or three of you that haven’t heard of this series, it essentially takes a selection of Nintendo’s characters from the Mario universe, sticks them in go karts, and makes them race around increasingly-ridiculous tracks. It’s pretty great.

And, with anything that’s even remotely decent, it spawned… er… ‘inspired’ lots of similar games, including something called Diddy Kong Racing. Diddy Kong Racing is a whole lot like Mario Kart with a couple of minor differences: the Mario Universe characters were replaced with mostly original Rare characters, the go karts were replaced with, erm, go karts, planes and boats (reminds me of something that I can’t quite place) lots of licensed non-video-game things for you to waste your money on. Including this thing.

Mario Kart lunchbox.

Mario Kart/Diddy Kong Racing lunchbox.

Pretty great, right? Popcorn, double-dipped (in what I assume is chocolate), tiny lunchbox covered in racers from both of these fine racing games? What else could you want?

What’s that? This lunch box is too small to put a sandwich in without folding it in half? Hm, yeah, that could be a problem.

And what did the popcorn taste like? Unfortunately, I don’t know. I figured that opening a lunch box to eat 15-year-old popcorn wasn’t the best idea, so you’ll just have to use your imagination.

Nintendo Campus Challenge Cups

Thursday, January 3rd, 2013

UNITDSTS

Around the early 1990’s, it wasn’t terribly uncommon to find video game tournaments scattered around the country, focusing on the ol’ NES. Heck, there was an entire movie about one such (fictional) contest. I even participated in (and lost) my fair share of local competitions, but one that I never was able to find around my old stomping grounds is the Nintendo Campus Challenge.

Campus Challenge Drinkware

A couple of cups from the Nintendo Campus Challenge

Above are some cups that I managed to get hold of from this challenge, and, in fact, were the first that I had actually heard of the thing. It turns out that in the NES’s heyday (1991, it seems), Nintendo sponsored a video game tournament held, you guessed it, primarily at universities. And since I was 12 years old at the time, I didn’t really spend a whole lot of times at college campuses. But if one did spend time at one of the campuses where this event was held, you might have played a special cartridge where you got to compete in portions of several NES games (Pin-Bot, Super Mario Bros. 3, and Dr. Mario) and get the highest score possible, for the chance to win Big Money. You might have even had the opportunity to drink out of one of these cups.

Well, probably not one of these specific cups, but you get the idea.