Game Box 2

September 30th, 2005

The materials for this project are largely the same as the last one:

1 computer
1 exitzer0
1 large pizza
1 2 liter of Mt. Dew
1 Adobe Photoshop
1 Internet
1 skillfully crafted portrait
1 scanner
1 X-Acto knife
1 ruler
1 FedEx Kinko’s
5 empty GameCube cases
5 mini CDRs
1 post office

I had this idea a while ago, shortly after the failure of my last project, but didn’t want to sacrifice the cases of games like Bad Boys Miami Takedown or Blowout because then they’d be sitting around my house naked… Gross. So the project was temporarily put on hold until I discovered that Nintendo sells replacement cases for GameCube games through their online store for about $1 each (plus shipping), and they conveniently came in packs of 1, 5, or 10.

If you were unaware there are actually CDRs made that are the same size as the GameCube discs, so they fit perfectly into these cases. While I was at my local Big Lots of all places, I found that they had a five-pack of the mini-CDRs for $2.49. Since I knew it was kismet, I went ahead and snatched up a couple of the packs, just in case my writer decided that I needed more coasters.

After I had the requisite materials, I called upon local Photoshop Kung-Fu artist, exitzer0. After toiling tirelessly throughout the evening, fueled only by pizza and Mt. Dew, and directed by the fevered, disjointed ravings of a madman, a layout was born.

Once we were satisfied that the layout would meet all expectations, I again made my way to my local FedEx Kinko’s, and had them utilize their printers to marry pixel and paper. I’m sure that at this point the employees there think I’m some sort of lunatic, but they wouldn’t be the first to make that assumption. The printing was done on some of the most expensive paper I’ve ever encountered. At $3.00 each, I fully expected each of the glossy two-dimensional renderings to hop in my car and drive me to whatever destination they chose.

Eventually I was able to wrest my gaze from the terrible beauty that became known as the Printed Works and began to prepare them for the journey that lay ahead. By utilizing both the X-Acto knife and the ruler in tandem, I was able to ensure that my cuts were straight and true. Upon completion I carefully placed each jacket into its proper position, taking extra care to ensure that all things lined up appropriately, then set back and was overtaken by wonder at the Things I had created.

By sheer force of Will, I was able to momentarily turn my attention to the creation of the Disc. My hope was that the materials contained on it would exemplify the wide range of talents that I posess, as well as any appropriate contact information. I certainly wanted the people who looked at these gems of creativity to be able to contact me since they would no doubt be compelled to by the sheer majesty of it all. Ultimately, I decided to include a writing sample consisting of my acclaimed Summer Vacation article and the Director’s Cut of my nearly-famous Video Game Movie. These things, when packaged with the Box itself, would create something heretofore unseen by mortals.

And so they are completed. Each one destined to an entity that (it is my presumption) would appreciate all that is the Game Box 2. One by one they leave the nest, and only after I am sure that they have vanished from the face of the planet will I reveal their destinations, lest someone else try to grab a piece of my thunder.

Untitles

September 27th, 2005

R.I.P. Forums

September 22nd, 2005

Well, it’s kind of hard to believe that three years ago today I added forums to this site. In that time there have been 2694 posts across 332 topics by 27 users resulting in a database size of 2.61 MB.

Posting on the forums has dwindled down to be essentially nonexistant, much to my dismay. So, I thought that it would be fitting that on the three year anniversary of putting them on my site that I’d take them off.

It’s been a fun ride. Should anyone wish to take part in an alternate messaging system I’ve set up somewhere else on the site, please contact me and I’ll give you all the necessary information.

Hard Games Revisited

September 3rd, 2005

Tom’s Hardware has posted an interesting article lamenting the decreasing difficulty level of today’s games.

Of course, I covered this topic nearly three years ago and then again just under a year later, showing just how far ahead of the curve I am.

Unfinished

September 1st, 2005


Diablo II

Diablo II is the sequel to the marginally successful dungeon crawl Diablo (a game that I actually did finish in a respectable amount of time). Since I had just finished the first one, I literally ran to my local video game store and bought Diablo II days after its release in 2000. I spent the next few weeks slogging through the game and actually managed to complete the content that was packaged in my box.

Then I found out that the rest of the game was going to be sold seperately as an ‘expansion’. Since I didn’t think I should have to pay extra for the ending of a game that I already bought, I decided against buying it… until August… of 2004. I decided that I had let Blizzard suffer enough and dropped my $20 for the final act of my game. I was pretty pumped and spent a couple of days completing quests. I actually managed to get the first 4 (out of six) done.

And I just finished up the last two yesterday (yesterday being August 30, 2005). It took me just over five years, but I finally managed to complete the game with my first character. I’m kicking around the idea of starting up a second character, but I don’t know if I have the stamina to play that long again.

Current status: Complete! Okay, so I technically completed this game, but it took me 5 years to do so. That gives me hope for the rest of the Unfinished Masses.


Warcraft III

I actually bought this game and the expansion to play the multiplayer with some friends that lived out of town. I later discovered that there was a single-player mode. An interesting and compelling single player mode that actually eases you into the game and teaches you how to play.

Neat.

Unfortunately, in completely unrelated incidents, every time I started to play the single player campaign my hard drive met with some catastrophic set of circumstances that rendered all data contained on it completely inaccessible, forcing me to start over. After that happened twice, I just lost the will to try it again. I think it might have rolled under the couch, and that thing’s heavy.

Current Status: Casting Totem of Hard Drive Corruption on my computer


F-Zero GX

I’ll admit it. I was seriously jazzed about F-Zero GX before its release. I spent entirely too much time with F-Zero X for the N64 and just knew deep down in my soul that this game would provide me with the same drug-like experience that would make hours seem like minutes while I unlocked all the wonders that the disc hid within.

I bought the game shortly after it became a Player’s Choice title for $19.99 and did get quite a bit of enjoyment out of it, but I just wasn’t feeling it. Maybe it was the sickening level of difficulty or the enormous mountain of things to unlock or the connectivity to F-Zero AX that I couldn’t actually take advantage of since AX has yet to materialize (to my knowlege) within 250 miles of my house. Perhaps it was a combination of all three things, but I only managed to unlock a paltry five or so racers and a small collection of custom parts that, when assembled into a working F-Zero racer, control like a refrigerator full of concrete being pulled across an icy river by a lawnmower motor.

Current Status: On hold


Pok

Prowess revisited.

August 16th, 2005

Since some search engine found it, here is the higher-res version of the movie alluded to here.

As long as my server can handle the strain, I’ll leave it there.

Classic Game Moments 2

August 8th, 2005

Contrary to what you may have been led to believe, there are some games out there that I don’t completely suck at.

Exhibit A: The Super Punch-Out!! Dizzy Dance.

MMOs Anonymous

July 29th, 2005

1UP is running an interesting feature on the addictive nature of MMORPGs that anyone with at least a passing interest in the MMO scene should give a read.

Hot Coffee

July 25th, 2005

Don’t worry, I’m not going to go off on some kind of rant about how appalled I am at the whole ‘Hot Coffee’ deal. There’s really nothing that I could say that hasn’t been said elsewhere, and there’s really no sense in rehashing it yet again.

Here are some quotes that I’ve culled from various websites regarding the matter:

From Eccentricities: “The newest Grand Theft Auto game is being pulled from many stores, getting a new, “adults only” rating, and promising parents a refund. I think this is really great, and will send everyone the message what America is all about: stealing cars, shooting cops, and beating hookers. with no sex involved. I mean, what kind of a country would we be if we allowed people to be sexual all the time, and get the “hot coffee” hookup whenever they wanted? I tell you, the mere thought of it makes me want to bash a hooker in the head with a bat and steal her money!”

From 1UP: “[B]ecause GTA is a ‘known’ title, [i]t’ll get people who don’t know much about games to pay attention. God of War had more accessible sex (off camera), and higher-rez naked female chests… nobody says anything.”

From GameSpot: “[S]ome business writers are suggesting Take-Two is privately reveling in the publicity the “Hot Coffee” controversy has brought it. “After all, nothing says ‘buy me’ to a 15-year-old quite like a message that this product is too racy to sell at Circuit City and GameStop,” Business Week columnist David Kiley wrote. “In my opinion, censorship and uproar will only make San Andreas and future GTA games more appealing to teen gamers, Take-Two’s target audience,” said Motley Fool editor Nathan Alderman.”

From Game Girl Advance: “What’s okay in GTA (the series) for seventeen year olds:

Assault with a deadly weapon.
Battery
Murder
Assassination
Vehicular homicide/manslaughter
Grand theft auto (duh)
Sex with prostitutes (tastefully hidden!)
Racketeering
Drug trafficking

What’s not okay in GTA (the series) for seventeen year olds:

Consentual softcore sex between two adults, one of which is fully clothed.”

From Penny Arcade: “There’s no question that the industry is beset by career opportunists and lazy people willing to outsource their responsibilities as parents, but the pronounced winking and looking the other way on the industry side of the equation won’t fly with this level of scrutiny en route.”

From an interview conducted by IGN: “The industry has a voluntary system right now whereby they rate various games, “M” for mature audiences, “Adults Only,” or for all ages. There is a rating system that the ESRB has established. The gaming industry has argued that the voluntary rating system should be sufficient to deter any [under-age] individual from going in and purchasing a game. The problem with that is that it is a voluntary system, and that voluntary system doesn’t work. There are two reasons why it doesn’t work. If the voluntary system works, why don’t we have a voluntary system in the sale of cigarettes to children, the sale of alcohol or adult magazines to children? The reality is that just doesn’t work. Secondly, by statistical data and anecdotal data, the Federal Trade Commission has reported that in 80% of cases you can find young people under-age going into stores and purchasing these games. We’ve got emails from students on school projects. In one case in the East Bay, they’ve gone out and in 50% of the cases they’ve been able to purchase “M” rated video games while clearly under-age. It simply doesn’t work.”

From the National Institute on Media and the Family: “What about the rating?

This game was rated

Classic Game Moments

July 21st, 2005

There are some moments that happen in video games that I think everyone should experience. I’m going to call them the Classic Game Moments.

Today’s installment shows Nightshade talking to the various animals of Metro City.

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