Archive for the ‘video game awards’ Category

Video Game Awards 2010 Reactions Entry

Saturday, December 11th, 2010

The Spike TV Video Game Awards are just hours away. Stay tuned to this space for my up-to-the-minute commentary on the proceedings.

7:07 PM CST Whew! a few minutes late to the show, so I missed the opening number. Shame. But I do see Neil Patrick Harris bombing in front on the audience and announcing one of the GOTY nominees, COD:BLOPS

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7:08 PM CST Another Arkham Asylum promo

7:09 PM CST This looks like Sam Fisher infiltrating the Batman universe

7:11 PM CST I have to admit the set looks pretty rad this year

7:12 PM CST Bioware gets the nod for Studio of the Year, kind of going for the big awards early, eh?

7:13 PM CST Dane Cook? Seriously? Were they looking for someone less funny than NPH?

7:14 PM CST Oh dear Lord, Dane Cook is absolutely bombing out there. No laughs at all.

7:15 PM CST Who is Chris Hemsworth?

7:18 PM CST this seems like a long commercial break with no real video game commercials. Do they not realize who is watching this thing?

7:20 PM CST Lots of robed folks entering the stage. Looks like an Undertaker intro. Oh, it’s Tom Howard.

7:21 PM CST Bethesda’s new game is… A new Elder Scrolls game, Skyrim. Very nice trailer

7:22 PM CST NPH trying some puns on some game titles. They’re all pretty awful.

7:23 PM CST Mortal Kombat isn’t dead yet?

7:25 PM CST Kratos in Mortal Kombat? No.

7:26 PM CST 90210, eh? People watch that show?

7:27 PM CST A game about a guy with a hammer? Are we getting a Hammerin’ Harry remake? No? Thor? Psh, whatever.

7:28 PM CST Thor looks a lot like that Castlevania game from earlier this year.

7:29 PM CST These jokes are falling flat for everyone

7:29 PM CST Best action game? Looks like the Wii finally getting some notification. Too bad they won’t win anything unless it’s “Best Wii game”

7:30 PM CST Assassin’s Creed wins. Shocker. These Ubisoft guys are French, which is why they sound like they’re tired and drunk.

7:31 PM CST Strongest character, Master Chief, Samus (pronounced “Same Iss” for some reason), and then Mario. Not sure how that worked out.

7:31 PM CST Army rangers, eh? Guess they’re big sponsors for this year’s event.

7:34 PM CST Denise Richards? Sounds like she’s haltingly reading from cue cards. Yuck.

7:35 PM CST My Chemical Romance with the first bathroom break musical number.

7:39 PM CST Nick Swardson. Yeah. No.

7:40 PM CST Mass Effect 2? Yeah, I bought that, need to start it, and then finish it.

7:42 PM CST Mass Effect was expensive? I think he meant ‘expansive’

7:43 PM CST Sounds like Alistair from Dragon Age, but this isn’t Dragon Age.

7:44 PM CST Mass Effect 3? Already? Even Holiday 2011 seems soon.

7:45 PM CST You know, I like video games and everything, but I’m not buying a car that’s a ‘special video game’ edition, no matter what the game is.

7:48 PM CST The “It’s Always Sunny” cast. Whooppee. I’m guessing that this is some kind of schtick. Not the funny kind.

7:50 PM CST COD:BlOpS getting the shout for best shooter. Props to my buddies at Treyarch.

7:51 PM CST Olivia Munn is not NPH.

7:51 PM CST Does this show have writers, or are they getting these jokes from Laffy Taffy wrappers?

7:52 PM CST Yay, boners!

7:52 PM CST Is it normal to want to punch NPH in the mouth at all times?

7:53 PM CST Resistance 3, probably another game I’ll never play. Sorry, guys.

7:54 PM CST Nearly halfway home and we’ve seen what, one title that’s not PS3/XBox 360?

7:55 PM CST I really don’t want to see any more Dane Cook Photoshopped into pictures with video game characters.

8:01 PM CST Nick Swardson sucks. I know I’m not the first to say that.

8:02 PM CST Hades and Kratos? I guess they’re “live via satellite”?

8:04 PM CST God of War 3 looks pretty good, but since I don’t have a Playstation, I probably won’t be playing it.

8:06 PM CST Best performance by a human male? “That’s what she said!” Yep, that fell as flat as… something funny that’s flat.

8:07 PM CST My problem with this category is that they pretty much only recognize established movie/television actors and not professional voice-over guys.

8:09 PM CST Whoops, first missed bleep of the night. But that accurately describes this skit.

8:10 PM CST Tony Hawk? He looks tired and stoned.

8:11 PM CST Prototype 2, eh? Could be good.

8:12 PM CST A look at the hottest mobile games? Uh a tiny video in the middle of the screen for two seconds. Yeah, good use of that airtime, Verizon.

8:17 PM CST Angry Birds Live? Ugh, this could be funny, but it’s pretty stupid.

8:18 PM CST Yeah, all video games are about violence and child abuse, right?

8:19 PM CST Another missed bleep, or “sh*t” is an acceptable word on Spike.

8:20 PM CST Best Indie game? And no clips from them? Lame.

8:20 PM CST Limbo wins. I guess that’s good, but I don’t see anything about the game, so I dunno.

8:21 PM CST Deadliest Warrior the game? This looks pretty awful. Kind of like the show.

8:22 PM CST “Jengis Khan?” The board game guy?

8:23 PM CST Portal was pretty good, but Portal 2 is the most anticipated game of the year? Yeah, Okay

8:24 PM CST Yeah, that promo tells me absolutely nothing.

8:25 PM CST Ah, yeah, a terrible song about characters that died in games. With fictional causes of death. Blech.

8:25 PM CST And now for the awards that weren’t important enough to make it to television

Best driving game: Need For Speed Hot Pursuit
Best Adapted Video Game: Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
Most Anticipated Game: Portal 2 (Duh, we just saw that)
Best RPG: Mass Effect 2
Best Music Game: Rock Band 3
Best Soundtrack: DJ Hero 2

I’d hate to interrupt these ridiculously unfunny sketches at an awards show by giving out awards during it.

8:31 PM CST Red Dead Redemption won Best Original Score and Something else (the Michael Chickless mumbled it). Good thing we’re wasting time with another song instead of giving out awards. We have a lot to go (including another My Chemical Romance song), and only 29 minutes to go.

8:36 PM CST Ooh, a Top Gear America promo. This show is taking a nose dive. Oh, it’s tangentially related to Forza 4. Still dumb.

8:37 PM CST It looks like we’ve seen the same previews for the same games a few years in a row.

8:42 PM CST A TMZ crossover. And mentioning Kratos again, and Assassin’s Creed and Halo. There were more than three games released this year, right?

8:44 PM CST And more Halo stuff.

8:45 PM CST Why are we waxing about Halo: Reach?

8:46 PM CST Does this violinist have a name? She did a pretty good job.

8:47 PM CST These backstage interviews really serve no purpose.

8:48 PM CST More porn titles? No.

8:48 PM CST Another World Premiere of… SSX? What does a helicopter have to do with SSX again?

8:49 PM CST What the…? Are they trying to make SSX look like some kind of snowboarding / extreme climbing / Medal of Honor hybrid?

8:54 PM CST More Dane Cook. This is last appearance. Thankfully.

8:55 PM CST More love for COD:BlOps. Good for them

8:55 PM CST We’re running out of time. This is going to get real quick.

8:56 PM CST I can honestly say I haven’t really been anticipating Uncharted 3, since I haven’t played 1 or 2.

8:58 PM CST Red Dead Redemption got Game of the Year? Really? And a few more awards (best original score, best DLC, and something else that the announcer mumbled)

9:00 PM CST Lots of awards going to get lost due to time constraints, I’ll have to check out the site later. And no second musical number. Yep, good thing we wasted all that time on the pointless piano songs and idiotic sketches. The show ends rather abruptly. The crowd looks utterly baffled.

Best dressed assassin, Assassin’s Creed
Biggest Badass: Kratos

And the rest get cut off because of time constraints.

This show is in some ways better and worse than last year. It’s like the industry is trying to put on heirs of being a serious industry, but sneaking in bathroom humor, poop jokes and sexual innuendo, just brings the show down to a ridiculously lowbrow level.

Video Game Awards 2009 reactions entry

Sunday, December 13th, 2009

The VGAs are just minutes away. I have a stable Internet connection, a tube of Pringles, and a 20 oz. bottle of Faygo root beer.

It’s on.

Oh, and I can’t be the only person that finds listening to Geoff Keighley’s voice slightly less enjoyable than licking a running powersander, can I?

7:00 PM CST Sounds like we’re opening up with Mark Hamill’s Joker, could be worse, I suppose

7:01 PM CST And we lead off with a Batman trailer, not too shocking. Can’t tell anything about the game from that, though.

7:04 PM CST I should probably check out more media than just video games. I don’t know who half of these people are.

7:05 PM CST Not wasting any time this year getting to the awards. I’d like to see more professional voice actors getting nominations instead of movie / TV actors.

7:06 PM CST Jack Black? Seriously? What’s wrong with the Spike TV audience?

7:08 PM CST A True Crime trailer. Looks OK, but not my kind of game.

7:10 PM CST Our first mercy commercial break.

7:15 PM CST Local commercials that cut off the content of the shows? Yeah, we’ve got’em.

7:16 PM CST Why are we watching this lousy Tron footage on the terrible Jumbotron instead of the TV?

7:17 PM CST I never was that big a fan of Tron, so I don’t get the fangasm about the universe.

7:17 PM CST Tony Hawk looks like he just woke up. And making stupid jokes doesn’t help. He’s here to present the award for best action/adventure game. Because when I think Action/Adventure, I immediately think of Tony Hawk.

7:18 PM CST Assassin’s Creed 2 takes it, not bad.

7:21 PM CST I still can’t believe that someone gave the greenlight to make a Deadliest Warrior video game.

7:22 PM CST That was a short commercial break. And now we have Kimbo Slice out to look drunk, stumble on his words, and talk about the UFC game.

7:25 PM CST Zach Braff? Seriously?

7:26 PM CST Studio of the Year at 26 minutes in? Are we clearing the way for the rock band interlude.

7:27 PM CST Rocksteady gets the nod. Good for them, I guess.

7:29 PM CST Haven’t seen Samuel L. Jackson since the ’07 awards, I wasn’t upset about that.

7:31 PM CST Does this Star Wars Game have a name?

7:32 PM CST Force Unleashed II, sounds obvious

7:37 PM CST Jake Gyll… um… That actor guy with a name I can’t spell with a first look at the Prince of Persia movie. I probably won’t be seeing that movie willingly.

7:39 PM CST And the cast of a show that I will never watch to present the award for a game genre I don’t typically play, Team Sports.

7:40 PM CST NHL 10? Really? How on Earth did that beat out Madden? And NBA for that matter?

7:42 PM CST More Prince of Persia stuff. I should probably play the new PoP series at some point.

7:49 PM CST That was a long commercial break. Guess Hugh Jackman won best performance by a human male, and for best cast. Good thing he couldn’t be bothered to actually show up, that will speed things along.

7:50 PM CST Best Independent game ‘fueled by Dew’. Why does ‘independent game’ mean something that doesn’t fit into a genre.

7:51 PM CST Flower? Tonight was the first I’ve heard of it, and it won.

7:54 PM CST Snoop Dogg? Well, looks like it’s time for the first bathroom break of the night.

8:02 PM CST I can’t tell if that Split Second commercial was supposed to be part of the show or not.

8:03 PM CST Spec Ops… Don’t really get too into these military-type games either, but this one looks decent.

8:04 PM CST Stephen A Smith, some sports guy. I dunno. I worked in a sporting goods store for over 11 years, I didn’t have time to learn about the stuff I was selling.

8:06 PM CST An awards show on Spike TV, which shows a ton of UFC matches, and the UFC game won? No, I’m not surprised.

8:09 PM CST Crackdown 2? Enough people played the first Crackdown game to warrant a sequel?

8:13 PM CST The second hour seems to be loaded with a few more commercials than the first. But anything that delays the appearance of Mike Tyson is something that I can live with. I’m no good against those one-hit-ko uppercuts he throws in the first round.

8:15 PM CST Snoop Dogg? I thought he went home. But at least he’s presenting best RPG, because nothing says ‘RPG’ like he does.

8:16 PM CST I didn’t think that the lone DS Game would win anything tonight. The VGAs aren’t very Nintendo friendly. Dragon Age takes Best RPG and Best PC game. It’s a great game, but this guy looks a little flustered onstage.

8:18 PM CST Green Day Rock Band? Why not? I don’t know how much longer this series is going to go on, but I’m really excited to see stuff like John Denver Rock Band.

Time for other awards that they just can’t seem to find time to give out in a show whose only purpose is to give out awards. If I had to guess, I’d say that these were the games that won where they couldn’t get someone to appear on the show to accept them:

Best performance by a human female: Megan Fox
Best downloadable game: Shadow Complex
Best Wii Game: New Super Mario Bros. Wii
Best DLC GTA 4: The Ballad of Gay Tony
Most Anticipated Game of 2010: God of War 3

8:24 PM CST Joel McHale, eh? I stopped watching The Soup a long time ago.

8:26 PM CST Screw you, Gamestop

8:27 PM CST Mike Tyson is starting to look a lot Torgo these days. What Mike Tyson and the cast from Jersey Shore have to do with ‘Best Shooter’ is beyond me.

8:28 PM CST Modern Warfare 2 won, and won Best Multiplayer game. It was one of the fastest selling games of all time, so this isn’t really shocking.

More awards where either nobody showed up to accept the awards or they just didn’t think were important enough to bother with the ‘ceremony’.

Best Fighting Game: Street Fighter IV
Best Handheld Game: GTA Chinatown Wars
Best Driving Game: Forza Motorsport 3
Best Soundtrack: DJ Hero
Best Xbox 360 Game: Left 4 Dead 2
Best Original Score: Halo 3 ODST
Best Game Based on a Movie or TV Show: South Park Let’s Go Tower Defense Play

8:35 PM CST Wait, South Park Tower Defense beat out Ghostbusters? Seriously, SpikeTV viewing audience, and video game players, what’s wrong with you?

8:37 PM CST Stevie Wonder presenting Best Music Game? Well, that’s nice.

8:39 PM CST Beatles Rock Band, eh? That’s kind of a surprise.

8:40 PM CST Another band interlude. My bladder isn’t full yet, but I’m going to go empty it anyway.

8:48 PM CST I don’t get into Halo. It’s just not that good. I don’t care what you say.

8:52 PM CST Game of the Year? How could these game have kept me occupied ‘all year’ when a couple of them are only a couple of months old?

8:54 PM CST Uncharted 2? Ah, it won Best PS3 game and Best Graphics. No wonder we didn’t see those categories with 6 minutes left in the show.

8:56 PM CST And we’re going to end the show with another song by a lousy band.

I will say that this year’s show came off as a little bit more professional than it has in years past. It looks more like an actual awards show and less like a bunch of idiots making fart jokes and mugging for the camera.

Now the industry just needs to work on getting people who are more groomed to be on television and talking… Except for Geoff Keighley.

Game Awards 2K9

Thursday, December 10th, 2009

It’s that time of year again, the 2009 edition of the Spike TV Video Game Awards will be shown this Friday, December 12th. It looks to be just as bad as it has been in years past, but I’ll still be here with my reactions to it in real time.

I won’t actually be at the event, though, I’ll be at home, just like you, watching along from the comfort of my couch.

What fun!