Archive for December, 2007

Patton Oswalt affirms that Video Game Awards show was terrible

Tuesday, December 18th, 2007

You can see from my ‘live blogging’ experience that the Spike TV Video Game Awards show was the worst show I’ve seen all year. At least one of the presenters, Patton Oswalt, tends to agree.

The producers wanted me to do “a little bit of stand-up” before I presented the award for “Most Addictive Video Game”. Oh wait, I forgot — “The Most Addictive Video Game…Fueled By DEW!” That’s because Mountain Dew was “sponsoring” the award. I had to say “Fueled By Dew”. I will also be saying it on my deathbed, when I’m begging my relatives to unplug by respirator.

I still don’t really know who Patton Oswalt is, and don’t really care about the reasons he did the show. I do find it illuminating that at least one of the people involved in that train wreck of a show stood up and said what I’ve saying all along, but with a little more force behind it.

(Link! via Kotaku via a few more hops)

Spike TV VGA 2007 Reactions Entry

Monday, December 10th, 2007

Here’s where I’ll be posting reactions to the 2007 Video Game Awards.

In 10 minutes.

8:02 PM CST: We have some acrobats acrobat-ing around the place. A little weaker than last year’s opening.

8:06 PM CST: Mostly naked women, the King of Kong, and Video Games Live. Sounds perfectly geared to young males. And we’ve already heard the first ‘Super Mario Bros. is a drug-induced game’ joke.

8:07 PM CST: Kristin Bell is ‘Hottest Newcomer’. I assume this means the newcomer to the video game industry with the most promise.

8:09 PM CST: Mindfreak guy introducing some Tom Clancy footage. I suppose I don’t pay enough attention to the world of illusion to know who this guy is. But I’m pretty jazzed to see a world premiere trailer of a game that doesn’t show any footage.

8:10 PM CST: LARPing intro, time to go get a snack.

8:18 PM CST: Best Game Based on a Movie or TV Show nominees. I can’t believe that Stranglehold was even nominated. Simpsons game won, no surprise here.

8:20 PM CST: Tony Hawk introducing the Foo Fighters, and since I just got snacks, now’s a good time to go wash my hands, use the bathroom, or paint the house.

8:24 PM CST: I’m pretty excited to finally hear the Video Games Live guys. Too bad every time they play something, all we can hear are announcements instead of what’s actually playing.

8:30 PM CST: Samuel L. talking about the video game based on Afro Samurai. I only managed to sit through one episode of the series. And the trailer doesn’t show us much other than lots of blood.

8:32 PM CST: Mad TV guy (I should probably pay more attention to these peoples’ names on the other 364 days a year) introducing a sketch about the different types of gamer. Sounds familiar. Best Team Sports Game is up now. Winning Eleven Soccer doesn’t have a chance. NFL 08 takes it. Good for them.

8:35 PM CST: I’m told this guy is Chingy. Gran Turismo 5 footage. Looks like intro movie footage.

8:37 PM CST: Hottest Mobile Game? Ugh, I guess. None of these games look any good. I honestly don’t care about any of these games at all, every game I’ve ever played on my phone was pretty trashy. Except for puzzlers, so long as they’re not Bejeweled.

8:43 PM CST: Stan Lee… He’s still a crazy old man. And we get to see some Iron Man footage. I’ve never been a real big Iron Man Fan, but this looks like it could be pretty good.

8:45 PM CST: Ah, the fat guy from Last Comic Standing who makes nothing but fat jokes. This guy’s never been funny. Good thing he’s only out here for 3 minutes.

8:46 PM CST: Best Individual Sports Game, it only took us 45 minutes to get to an implied masturbation joke. Classy. Skate wins, didn’t see that coming.

8:48 PM CST: The Angles, some wrestlers coming out to introduce the new TNA game. Finally some stars that I actually know something about. Too bad they’re only on for less than a minute. Too bad wrestling games usually suck, this one looks decent.

8:50 PM CST: Recapping some of the awards not important enough to actually show:

Best RPG: Mass Effect
Best Hand Held Game: Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass
PS3: Ratchet And Clank: Tools of Destructions
Best Graphics: Crysis
Best Action Game and Best Wii Game: Mario Galaxy
Best Riding Game: Dirt
Best PC Game and Breakthrough Technology: Valve’s Orange Box

I’m really surprised that some of thees categories weren’t important enough to show.

I’m also very surprised to see that Mario Galaxy beat out Twilight Princess for best Wii game.

Crysis looked good, but the demo was absolute crap, I couldn’t even make it all the way through it before I gave up on it.

I still haven’t played any of the games in the Half Life series past the original generation, so I don’t really know if these are any good or not, but they probably are.

8:56 PM CST: Brian… something. And we’ve hit our second masturbation joke… and the first Wii = genitals joke of the evening.

9:00 PM CST: Studio of the Year goes to Harmonix. Making marginally talented game players think they’re super talented rockers. If only I’d thought of it first…

9:02 PM CST: Tia Carrere, a bit less hot than I remember her. Introducing Kid Rock for the second band performance of the evening. It’s a little early, I don’t have to use the restroom again yet.

9:05 PM CST: Please let the Kid Rock medley end soon, I’ve run out of things to throw through my TV.

9:11 PM CST: Hot Girls with Cheat Codes. One kid of hot girl talking about a cheat code for a game I don’t have.

9:12 PM CST: Patton Oswalt introducing the most addicting game (fueled by Mountain Dew). Love product placement.

9:14 PM CST: Wii Sports got a nomination, even though it came out last year, and the Burning Crusade didn’t get a mention. Weird. Halo 3 wins, no surprise here. It also won Best Multiplayer Game, way to consolidate the show.

9:16 PM CST: Some exclusive Red vs. Blue footage. I never found these guys very funny.

9:17 PM CST: An ‘Opposing Viewpoints’ sketch. Meh.

9:18 PM CST: Border Lands footage. From the footage, I don’t have any idea what this game’s about.

9:20 PM CST: Finally get to hear Video Games Live. Doing a tribute to ‘classic video games’, which sounds pretty good, but doesn’t include any games made after Tetris.

9:28 PM CST: Don King in a video game? Oh Lord. He’s here to present the award for Best Rhythm Game. And we’re rife with fart jokes.

9:30 PM CST: Rock Band beats out the two Guitar Hero nominees, and get Best Soundtrack. I’m pretty sure that I couldn’t care less about any of the nominees in either of the categories. Mostly because I’m not a rhythm game player.

9:32 PM CST: Oh crap! A surprise introduction of the Foo Fighters again. They haven’t improved in the last hour. Time to get a refill of my delicious beverage.

9:40 PM CST: The head of the UFC, apparently there to announce some more announcers. I’d probably know more about them if I followed UFC.

9:42 PM CST: Talking about the preponderance of World War 2 games, and a Wikipedia joke.

9:43 PM CST: Best Shooter Game, did Halo 3 get nominated for every category? Call of Duty 4 wins, unexpectedly.

9:45 PM CST: Two people I’ve never heard of talking about a game that I don’t care about in the slightest. ‘Prototype’? Looks like it might be fun for a few minutes.

9:50 PM CST: Two more people that I’ve never heard of here to introduce some footage for Little Big Planet. I’d probably know who these people are if I spent less time with the video games and more time with the movies and tvs. Not likely.

9:53 PM CST: Finally time for the ‘most important award of the evening’, Game of the Year.

9:56 PM CST: Bioshock wins, also won Best XBox 360 Game and Best Original Soundtrack. I’m pretty glad that the viewers only voted on one category, otherwise all of the categories Halo 3 was in, it would have won. Ah, and we get to see the Gamecock guys.

9:57 PM CST: And one last look at the mostly nude womens. Gratuitous at this point, I think. Looks like we’re not going to get to see the kill screen on Donkey Kong that they’ve been building up to all night.

9:59 PM CST: And we’re finally done. It’s amazing to me that they find ways to feature less and less video game information each year.

Game Awards

Saturday, December 8th, 2007

This Sunday marks the 5th annual Spike TV Video Game Awards. Honestly, I’m shocked that the show has lasted so long, given that historically it’s been nothing short of a two hour commercial, geared to people who think they’re hardcore gamers because they ‘play teh Haloz (LOL!)’.

Nonetheless, I’ll be tuning in, mostly so I can see what the ‘normies’ think about video games and the people that play them, and, barring equipment failure, liveblogging it here.

Bargain Armed Forces

Wednesday, December 5th, 2007

If you haven’t lately, you should probably check out Closeout Warrior. What started as an exercise to see how many days in a row I can keep a site updated is now entering its 287th day, a personal best.